1. If you were a writer, what kinds of books would you write?
I’d like to write hard-boiled mysteries featuring tough two-fisted detectives and the pliant dolls who fall for them like a ton of bricks. I never will, though, because the previous sentence is an example of how I write.
2. Do you expect to ever be famous in your lifetime? If yes, what do you expect to be famous for?
Not a chance.
3. Say something liberal.
Creationism and Intelligent Design have no place in the science curricula of American public schools.
4. Say something conservative.
The Liberal Agenda is ruinous to the prosperity and success of this nation, and the implementation of their policies is damaging to people and the environment.
5. What did you dream about last night?
I had a strange dream where I had a second, secret job as a government agent. I was given an assignment to go to New York City over the same weekend which, coincidentally, I had a business trip for my first job. I had to keep everybody in the dark about my official assignment (which apparently was to line up snipers to kill someone!) and make sure my wife didn’t find out. I woke up with a full bladder.
6. What have you read this week? Include everything: magazines, emails, blogs, books, etc.
7. Tell me about your worst date ever.
This was with a girl who gave me her number in a bar. (This, in itself was such an unusual occurrence that I remember it clearly!) We made the date, but that morning I started coming down with cold symptoms so I dosed myself up with cold medicine and soldiered on. Picked her up at her place, we spent a long time sitting on her porch trying to come up with topics of conversation before we went out to eat. My head was dizzy and my mouth was dry from the medicine. Honestly, I can’t remember any more about it, except that we didn’t go on a second date. Simply awful.
8. Name three of your bad habits and three of your good habits.
I drive too fast
I ignore my yard
I don’t procrastinate
I bathe whether I need to or not
9. Tell me something you're very proud of.
I’m proud of the fact that I somehow conned my wonderful wife into marrying me.
10. Give me a piece of wisdom that I should pass on to Parker Grace (who is now twelve weeks old).
Your parents are probably smarter than you think they are; and you are probably not as smart as you think you are; but somehow you will impress each other with your brilliance twenty times a day.